Tim Thomas Saves Better Than Jeebus

Tim Thomas can do the splits like a boss and save a goal in the process. In honour of Toronto going totally bat-sh#t crazy over a game that nobody else cares about here's a look at why hockey is cool.

I think it actually grasps the concept but, like all cats, it just flat out hates people telling it what to do.

Not to add insult to injury, but plummeting before the roof diving ref's signal means an automatic zero from the judges instead of the zero he would've earned.

Do dogs dream? You're damn right they do. Their dreams are probably stupid though. They probably dream about chasing cats, giant steaks and having testicles that taste slightly better. Weirdos.

Popsicle? Check. Gaping cleavage? Check. Stunning beauty who I'd crawl through open sewers covered with rusty disease-ridden needles to lick her dirty feet? Check.

Well I for one welcome our log splitting overlords. Seriously though, I don't normally pop a chubby over heavy machinery, but this monstrosity piqued my interest. Slices through wood like a hot knife through butter.

I’s adverts like this that can convince me to buy absolutely anything. They could be selling garbage bags dusted with dried pig shit and I’d be down the store ordering twenty of them before you could say the word gullible.

Chest cushions so big that they'll eclipse your view! And herein lies the drawback - the one and ONLY drawback - of having giant janglies

His real axe to grind is with Twitter. He abhors it, calling it a “state surveillance agency staffed by gullible volunteers… a Stasi for the Angry Birds generation.” Nailed it.

And the smurfs take home the gold! A spoof off of Lil Wayne. LOL

Some people will go to any lenghts to escape something unpleasant, even when sedated. Dude, no matter how many times you shift, you're still about to get drilled. Just pull over and take it like a man.