I Have No Idea...

Pets are good at certain things, like licking their crotches, shedding on your clothes and getting under your feet before you manage to reach the lightswitch, but ask then to fix your car and they're utterly useless.

Japan is the future and parts of it are stranger than a lot of science fiction. Where the men are schoolgirls, the schoolgirls are pillows and the women are being probed by tentacle monsters. It really is my kinda place.

People are requesting doodles on their takeaway boxes, with surprising results. I'd be scared that the surly recipient of my order would decide to smear his or her own bodily excretions on my food rather than getting arty.

A theme park called Jeju Loveland in South Korea, dedicated to the greatest pastime in the world. It beats another saccharine year at Disney World, surely?

I always thought the phrase 'cute emo' was an oxymoron, surely those two words cannot be used to describe the stereotype imagery we all have stored in our cynical minds. Seems that emos' can be cute after all.

Sometimes temptation is too much for some people. If your current girlfriend is slim, active and only eats one salad leaf a day - respect her - it takes a lot of will-power to avoid the lure of burgers & fries as these relapses reveal.

It's clothing with inappropiate slogans that there should be laws against their owners wearing. If your opinions can sometimes be offensive to certain people then the best thing to do is get a T-shirt with them printed on the front.

In Russia they do things a little differently on social media, they do things with a little more added WTF. Maybe the West could learn something.

Shame on you and your dirty mind, it's nothing sexual, unless that is of course you love cars!?! If there's one thing Americans do well it's make 'American cars' - Yep, automobiles that look great with oversized wheel rims.

If you are ever considering going head to head with a ball then remember this valuable lesson, balls have no shame, feel no pain and secretly they enjoy re-moulding your face on impact! It's flawless victory to the balls.

As the old saying goes, "you don't look at the mantel when you're poking the fire", if you did you might drop your stroke & run screaming into the night. I guess you could avoid the horror with a brown paper bag, or better yet, a Halloween mask :(