I'm Taking The Long Road!

I just hope like hell there's at least a gas station or two along the way, this could be a very long trip!

It can be a lot of fun, but make sure you bring weapons that can repel the evil might of the pancake demons. They WILL come for you and they WILL try to suck your soul out through your kneecaps.

Given how much I love beer, it would be heartwarming to know that beer loved me back, even if that love was expressed through the medium of froth.

You probably thought that "got ya nose" was funny. He didn't think so. He didn't think so at all and he wants that sh#t back, pronto. Be afraid.

What can one do when one is surrounded by peasants, especially peasants who try to poke one’s wife through the open window of one’s Rolls-Royce. Bloody rotten ruffians, what?!

This has the vague whiff of racism about it but I can't put my finger on the precise moment or sentiment. Still, It's Abe Lincoln choking out Kanye, so even if it IS racist, it's the kinda racism we can all enjoy.

When someone says to a woman, "Put your face on", it isn't just a figure of speech. So be careful the next time you meet up with a cute girl, lurking beneath the pretty face could be Steve Buscemi.

This serves as a reminder never to let your big brother help you build your train set. Seriously, he has an ulterior motive and will probably post pics of you and the Wiener Express on facebook.

Just like there is no need to hide the fact that you are gay, who needs to be modest about playing some of the biggest roles in film history?

Oh dear, how embarrassing. They accidentally misspelled coffee!

The annoying as hell little helper has broken out of his computer bounds and is spreading his helpfulness in the real world!