iPhone Etching

If I was ever to get my iPhone engraved this is exactly what I'd want written on it. Somebody buy this man a cookie, he's a freaking comedy genius!

Up in the heavens a cosmic ballet unfolds across the blackness of space, stars are born, solar systems die, as creation and destruction intertwine like lovers. But back here on earth, we've got far more important things to do.

Have you played that new game that's just come out? You know, the one with the character on the front, holding a weapon, what the hell is it called? Dammit, they all kinda look the same to me!

If not for your safety, do it for the animals'..

Before you get a lab it's important to experiment and choose the right type, if you need me, I'll be in my my lab!

Because everyone would look so much cooler if they were played by Nick Cage. even run of the mill techno heads like Skillex. Long live Nick Cage!

It's the little things that really matter, forget noming on a seal or dreaming about inviting a penguin over for dinner, what this bear really wants is his T-U-B-E!

Well, you can be sure, I DON'T wish my girlfriend was as hot as this..

Forget your Lamborghinis, Ferraris, even Formula One racing cars. None of those come close to the coolness of this motor car.

Ewww! What's going on here? It's like a tranny Barbie doll with a huge strap-on. That's going to send the kids a confusing and, frankly, disturbing message. What next, Ken dolls with a hole in his crotch? Great Christ.

There's no fun like ripping it out of hipster culture. It's become a new sport that seems to have consumed the internet. And here's a few sappy hipster sayings given a work over so that they don't sound quite so goddamn pathetic.