Old Jedi Mind Trick!

And aren't women the ones who always yell at men for calling them breasts when there is only one breast!?

Just a quick word of warning; if you EVER meet a bear smoking a cigarette, run. Run like you're never run before. Get Forest Gump up in this mofo. You life depends on it.

If you really want to get into a bar this is a great idea but I guarantee you won't be hooking up with anyone in there, unless that old fella in the corner playing dominoes gets a twinkle in his eye...

This is a phrase that women use all the time but frankly I agree with Ashton. Until you've had to pee with morning wood, you don't know the meaning of the word.

It just seems like such a long way to go for the President of the United States to take just have have a pint of the black stuff, maybe there was another reason? Next time wait until Jedward breaks America methinks!?

Now all they need to do to make this totally awesome is kidnap a woman, dress her as a slave and chain her to it.

Perhaps if Twilight were to approach some of the players for possible roles in future movies, they might pick up more of a male following as well!

If you've ever had to suffer through a game of soccer you will probably know the feeling. Don't even think about going to get a drink because the minute you do, the only goal of the game will be scored.

Seriously, WTF, who buys phallic garden fountains like this? Well, at least the water doesn't come out of the top of it!

Will you look at these two. Prime specimens, and look at the portrait they've decided to have taken. This defines class, if your mom's a sewer rat. You are now free to dry retch and scrub your eyes with bleach.

Dancing is pretty boring. At least this nerd has something to read while he's doing it. Should have brought an Asimov or two...